I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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