A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
