dude i'm inner monologue high
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
