Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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