I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
