So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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