Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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