ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
