At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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