I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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