Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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