When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
