I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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