I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
