OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
