I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
