from now on my penis is your penis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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