do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did I show you my penis last night?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
