he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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