apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
