Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
now i know why i became what i already was.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
