I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
