Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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