All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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