New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
