An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
