I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
