I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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