god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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