"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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