i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
