Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone came in the potted fern
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
