i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
