he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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