I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
