Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
