wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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