between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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