i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
