i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
