dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
