I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
