I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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