please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
