Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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