she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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