i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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