Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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