You work out of a Hotel?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
