youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
