I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
