you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
